Did you just make a pulled pork and sautéed onion sandwich for someone?” I asked.
The rather large fellow, 40 or 50, sitting at one of half a dozen plastic-covered tables jammed into the empty dining room of Omemee’s Texas Burger, nodded tentatively.
I had just finished eating said sandwich on a picnic table in the parking lot, and walked into the tired-looking restaurant to share an opinion.
“Are you the owner?” I continued.
Another slight nod followed in response.
“I’ve got to tell you, man, since my wife declared us plant-based two years ago, that was the absolute, 100 per cent best food I’ve eaten.”
His tentative nod became a full-on smile, and then he laughed out loud.
“The way you refried the pork to give it a bit of crust, then mixed the onions in while it cooked instead of just laying them on top, it was perfect! I just had to tell you, it was so-o-o delicious.”
He laughed again, and within 10 minutes I learned that he had owned a 78-seat restaurant in Port Hope that he lost during COVID, that a longtime friend had given him this place rent-free a year ago to help him get back on his feet, that the locals were starting to realize the food, including his homemade french fries, was really good and would keep him going in the off-season, and that he finally saw a way out of his debt.
He agreed that as far as me having pulled pork, what happens in Omemee stays in Omemee. He was happy to share his story, and have a laugh at the expense of my sorry plant-based life. As I left, he extended his hand, and as we shook, he said, “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
The thing is, I appreciated it more. There are few things that give so many of us joy as much as making others laugh or smile.
Out cycling on the trail, or walking along any sidewalk, we watch the eyes and expression of strangers approaching us, looking for a signal. If their eyes turn away, a slight sadness descends. We lose the opportunity to smile and say “Hi” or “Good morning” or “Crazy weather, eh?” anticipating a smile or laugh in return. An opening to acknowledge that we both exist, permission to show that we value each other as part the same community, and an invitation to interact at the most spontaneous level.
There are few things that give so many of us joy as much as making others laugh or smile
If our eyes don’t meet, we ask ourselves why? If we’re being generous, we wonder if they’re hurting, recovering from a tough day or bad decision, just needing or wanting time to themselves to clear their heads. Do they lack the confidence to engage in even this small way at the moment? We resist the urge to judge that they may be arrogant or narcissistic, and in our minds wish the best for them as we pass.
It may be my imagination, but as I cycle and walk throughout Ontario, I worry that more people are looking away than in years past.
The immediate benefits of smiling, and especially laughing, are well documented. Laughter increases endorphin production by our brains, improving our mood, and causing increased oxygen intake that can stimulate our heart, lungs and muscles. Both calm our stress response, which reduces blood pressure and helps us relax.
The positive thoughts that smiles and laughter bring cause the release of neuropeptides, chemicals that relax our bodies and improve our immune systems, and endorphins which relieve pain. Laughter makes it easier to deal with difficult situations by helping us connect with others and improving our self-esteem.
Psychology Today claims laughter is key to solid, long-term relationships. “The Golden Rule of friendship states that if you make people feel good about themselves, they will like you — and laughter does that.”
Couples who share laughter regularly have more satisfying relationships, tending to be happier and less bored. Genuine laughter and honesty among partners reduces the weight of everyday situations, and often comes from making fun of ourselves and telling self-deprecating tales rather than making jokes at the expense of others. Children raised in such an environment are prone to be more well-rounded and better able to cope with future problems.
Shared laughter often signals we’ve been accepted as part of a group, and helps facilitate positive interaction in both social and business situations — although getting laughed out of the room when presenting an idea at a corporate meeting may not be a good sign.
Cultural differences may be overcome or forgotten when we laugh, says Yakov Smirnoff, the Ukranian-American comedian and actor, “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”
To be clear, we’re talking genuine smiles and laughter here. Vacuous, lip-corners curved up slightly, no teeth showing “polite” smiles don’t cut it. Studies show that “polite” smiles are responded to in kind, and do not provide the rewarding social cues of genuine smiles, which create positive feelings and anticipation of beneficial outcomes.
Dale Carnegie wrote in a poem, “A smile costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.”
In my opinion, he was much too conservative in his observation. For many of us, smiles and laughter enrich those who give as much or more than it does those who receive. Keep on smiling — it’s a win-win.
